This is a very personal space of growth, healing, learning, sharing, and cobbling together a new path forward after spending decades as a Pettigrew-like sychophant. Mentally and emotionally abusive to those I love the most — including my partner, with whom I am deeply in love.

In order for me to come to terms, to be as objective as I can about the life I’ve lived, and to help those I’ve hurt, I am creating this space publicly AIRING of the symptoms of this PROFOUNDLY LIFE-ALTERING AWAKENING THAT I AM EXPERIENCING. ITERATION AND FORWARD MOMENTUM IS HALLMARK TO THE PROCESS, AND THE WORDS HERE REPRESENT POINTS IN TIME ALWAYS BEHIND WHERE I AM CURRENTLY.

As you read, please know that whatever is said here has been processed which is how I was able to say it. Be well.


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