Unsent Letter

Dearest Asha,

You know I love you. I tell you all the time. Too much, probably. You’re so easy to love. Charming and kind. Courageous. Brilliant wit and soulful heart. A beautiful voice. Dazzling smile with galaxy eyes. For all the reasons that anyone else who meets you will love you, I love you. Their love will be and feel new, different, enlightening, glorious without the painful thorns and memories mine is entangled with. And you deserve that. You deserve a free airy love that lifts you higher than you thought you could even dream.

I thought when I was a young man I could give that to you, and I failed spectacularly. And now that I’m older, I have failed again.

I want more than anything to be the one who shows you what love can really be to you, and I never can. I threw it away twice before I truly understood any of this. So I’m writing to you a letter you may never read.

I want to reset things so badly that my phone is warping in my hands …. what creative outlet can I possibly find that can help me unburden myself? Nothing other than your cause. Nothing is more important to me now than your story.

And I have that thought and the keypad wobbles less. I’m reticent only because I’m stubborn and I’m stubborn only because I’m afraid at some level I guess. I have a kind of frightened faith.

I want more than my own life to be a source of untangled and pain-free love for you, and I don’t know what to do with that. Other than faith.

I am more in love with you than when I first knew you on that February night. I am always yours, body, soul, and heart forevermore from this night forward.

Yours,