I Learned from my past to look forward from here

I went through old journal entries for inspiration tonight. I reminded myself of who I had been, pitfalls and traps I had fallen into, mirrors I wasn’t paying attention to. It’s painful to go back there, review that man’s thoughts as though they’re still mine. I think history is a useful tool in the long run, and Munnin is always the most important lest we forget ourselves, but I realized tonight that I want to go forward and look back as little as possible. I need to go back, but I wish it was through conversation and not dredging up memories.

Bringing lessons forward is paramount to recovery. Iterative living, however, doesn’t mean dwelling in the realm of those teachings. Trauma, as near as I can figure, can be observed well enough from outside the sphere of its immediate danger. This is why psychedelic therapy was so good for me. I was provided opportunities to see perspectives of myself with enough objectivity that I could work out behavior and perception patterns. I wasn’t able to do that with the shifts provided by psychic deviators.

And even with the help of the psychedelics, it has taken me almost three years to come to terms with the new landscape of my existence, to find a way to find myself, and begin re-engaging with the world. That all starts today, it seems.