Integrity and presence

One of the defining characteristics of my personality for the past 30 years has been a decided lack of integrity. Deadlines, promises, schedules, appointments: these were all fluid in my mind, and I frequently ignored them. I was good at justifying why I couldn’t make a doctor’s appointment, or why I didn’t need to attend a meeting, and I infected my family with this weak character trait, and I affected a lot of people. If you were one of them, I am sorry. If I worked with you, I’m sorry for not following through as well as I should have.

The reason I’m bringing this up is so that the context is clear related to me setting a deadline for an album release (I need to have all tracks wrapped in three weeks!). It’s a really new thing for me. The person I used to be was unable to follow through on the simplest of tasks with any consistency, so for me now to be able to promise something and deliver on it is a HUGE deal for me, and a test as well. It’s not easy learning new habits, but what better way to try than with something so profoundly important, right?

Being capable of following through is paramount to being present, I believe. Presence requires integrity because presence is a balancing act on a tightrope, and as long as we recognize the ebb and flow of presence — like the sway of the rope — we can find our footing, maintain our balance, and maintain integrity. Recognizing my ability to be present in a consistent way was how I found my ability to reclaim some integrity, which in turn is fueling itself.

Music helps with presence — aside: I tend to set the presence on my amps in the low-middle range except for special occasions — so I keep doing it while I’m unable/not ready to do other things. I think it helps because it’s a way to decorate time and I’ve always had a difficult relationship with time and its passage. Being able to decorate it as it floats by feels comforting. Audio tags for the universe to witness and hopefully not scrub off or paint over …

Thanks as always for stopping by. Hope to hear from you, maybe, too.

🙏🏼🎶💜