Waking up in a quantum state

I wake up in what I call an either/or state every morning and have done so for as long as I can remember. My first encounter with my morning quantum potentiality was before the age of 10. I was at my aunt’s house for a school vacation, sleeping on a brown inflatable mattress in their computer room (I played Zork and started learning BASIC on their Commodore for most of the time I was there) with a plush burgundy carpet and I woke up startled and nervous.

I felt transparent and ethereal, and so I reached out to the floor for the soft carpet and left my hand print in it. The carpet reminded me I was real and the hand print proved I was solid. I’ve done a ritual of this kind of thing for most of my life. Waking up in the same space as Danielle, hearing the birds, feeling the light of the morning on me, and smooching her on my way to my day serve my adult self the way pressing my hand into the carpet served me that very first time.

I am aware that this could be an old OCD that I have turned into a meditation. Born of perceived necessity, perhaps, but now a moment I can have for myself before I am needed by the world, and I choose to let it gently know that I am present. At least, this is the way I’ve been trying to approach my waking up over the past few months. If I’m honest, though, habit and fear were more of my drivers than not prior to last October… Rivers of habit and fear with islands of peace and understanding, mind you, but still an overall mise-en-scène of the noirest of noir plots were what drove me awake and forced me to sleep at night. But lately, I’ve been using this ocd-turned-meditation as a moment to come-to-wake, pray, ponder the present and wonder about the coming day, but in a ruminating-rather-than-mongering kind of way. I believe that it’s been helping because today has been a good day for us so far.

There is nothing spectacular to report, but it has been a beneficially serendipitous day and I am okay with that. It’s the kind of day that I needed to have in order to know that waking up in the morning can be a good thing. This has been a long period of trying to remember that, and every little moment helps, and today has had many of them, but I’m not going to list them here. Maybe more will happen, who knows?

Most of my day is spent on the album, tying up loose ends and helping Danielle with the production work. There is a LOT to do still, and we’re counting down the days until we have to release to our distributor (23 days from now…). So on that note, I should go do some more there and less here for now.

I hope you’re doing well, and I hope to see you sometime.

🙏🏼🎶💜