A short reflection on the dissertation I couldn’t finish. Before I went a little mad and had to leave my PhD program, the dissertation I was writing was called “The Inheritance of Gilgamesh.” It was about the patriarchal systems of thought, perception, and control that originated in ancient Mesopotamia around...

When I was sixteen, I sat cross-legged on my bedroom floor, meditating on the rune PERTHRO—the rune of mystery, the "dice cup" that holds fate. I was working through the concepts of Orlog and Hamingja, those Old Norse concepts of destiny and personal power, trying to understand what it meant...

The structures I'd built my life around—the roles I performed, the identity I'd constructed, the ways I showed up in relationship—all of those were designed by and for someone I no longer was. Trying to keep them intact while also honoring what I'd learned created an impossible tension. Something had...

Peak experiences—whether from plant medicine, meditation retreat, spiritual emergency, or spontaneous awakening—have a way of feeling conclusive. Like you’ve finally broken through, seen the truth, become the person you were always meant to be. The clarity is so profound, the shift so undeniable, that it’s easy to believe the transformation...

I’ve decided to more fully open up to offering spiritual and integration guidance, so I want to share reflections on the praxis of personal healing and spiritual integration alongside my other writing. These pieces draw from my own journey through dissociation, awakening, and the slow work of becoming whole. If...

A story about rusted brakes, midnight Denny’s runs, and the poetry of old cars and the life we live with them. I wasn’t sure whether to share this, but I’m fond of the roads we’ve traveled. From Earl to Shazam… and beyond.

One of the challenges of living with the kind of mental state I work with is remembering a complete flow of life. Waking up tomorrow holding on to what I’ve accomplished or learned from today is a conscious effort for me, just shy of tattooing (which I’ve seriously considered doing,...

For most of my life, I stressed about proving myself and achieving perfection, but everything changed four years ago when I discovered the beauty of dilettantism—engaging in things out of love and curiosity rather than obligation. Experiences like Ayahuasca and mindfulness taught me to embrace imperfection and just be present....

I felt transparent and ethereal, and so I reached out to the floor for the soft carpet and left my hand print in it. The carpet reminded me I was real and the hand print proved I was solid. I've done a ritual of this kind of thing for most...

Later that year -- the same year I had a spiritual awakening and fell profoundly in love -- it came up that my mother hypnotized me nightly from about 2 years old to the age of 9 or 10 or so.