Wandering the Event Horizon

Sabin of the Green Mountains

Cybernetic Dreams Mandala Shadows on Snow Midheaven Snow in Shadow Earth Day/4.20 Easy on the Eyes
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Reclaiming my signal over the noise
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To Asha
6:30 am, December 28 https://youtu.be/-7OgV72iLD0 Every few days, I’m compelled to say “I’m sorry for the last couple of days” as I realize that I’ve been trapped in darkness and working my way through things in order to be more here.

The journey continues: Intermittent Ph.D. diary #1
Back to the thing at hand!

Integrity and presence
One of the defining characteristics of my personality for the past 30 years has been a decided lack of integrity. Deadlines, promises, schedules, appointments: these were all fluid in my mind, and I frequently ignored them. I was good at justifying why I couldn’t make a doctor’s appointment, or why I didn’t need to attend a meeting, and I infected my family with this weak character trait, and I affected a lot of people. If you were one of them, I am sorry. If I worked with you, I’m sorry for not following through as well as I should have.

Checking in From the Cold
Hanging like a pale morning moon

Flow State [LIVE] – New Electronic Music Series
You can read more about the gear and process I used here.

Astronomically Minute
Something being so small that it is grander on the grandest scale small is almost poetic. Minute. Tiniest. Smallest. Least of all. Astronomical. Largest. Contains everything. Greatest in size and space. Grandest in scope. When put together, the space between the words perfectly expresses the idea of not just simple or common randomness, but of an unlikelihood that is utterly profound. Like our own existence. Like our capability to understand the words, their juxtaposition, their meaning, and then jot down these notes.

Reorganizing Everything: What Happens When You Can’t Go Back
Integration isn’t just about practicing what you learned. It’s about dismantling an entire life that was built on foundations you no longer recognize as true, and then somehow constructing something aligned to your new perspectives while you’re still figuring out who you actually are.

One Month In and One Year Later: A Journey Worth Celebrating
It was just about a year ago when I wrote a reflection on 2023, so I figured I’d do it again this year. It’s hard to put into words how it feels to look back on this past year. At this time last year, I was sitting in my living room, recording It Can Be Difficult Sometimes with a broken hand. That project was raw, uncertain, and deeply personal—a first step back into music after nearly 30 years of silence. It wasn’t about perfection or even knowing where it might lead, but about finding a way to express something real.

Living With What You’ve Seen: The Practice of Integration
I didn’t allow those experiences to fully impact me. I didn’t remember them as true and real—I let them fade into something like dreams or visions, beautiful but not quite solid. I mistook revelation for integration. I tried to convince others of what I’d seen rather than sitting with the slow work of letting my visions reorganize my life from the inside out.

Writing

I’ve been writing for the Internet since at least 1998, probably earlier when I got my badger.jsc.vsc.edu email address. The following is the most recent collection of essays, blogs, and articles going back over a decade. Currently, I focus on the threads that connect my inner life to culture, community, healing, and the ongoing work of being in this strange place. It’s a mix of personal reflection, systems thinking, and occasional rabbit holes I just can’t resist.

Making Music from Presence

Three weeks ago at winter solstice, something cracked open in me that hasn’t closed back up. At the time, I recorded/performed eight tracks in four days — minimal techno, ambient downtempo, arpeggiated grooves that just wanted to run. All of it performed live in Logic Pro, no backing out of the flow, just riding whatever […]

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