Tag: awakening

Just short of getting it tattooed on me …

One of the challenges of living with the kind of mental state I work with is remembering a complete flow of life. Waking up tomorrow holding on to what I’ve accomplished or learned from today is a conscious effort for me, just shy of tattooing (which I’ve seriously considered doing, Memento). I think it has something to do with the hypnosis as a child, or maybe just side effects from the PTSD, but either way, I’ve decided to devote some time on Sundays to check in with what I did and tried to do the previous week.

Embracing Imperfection: The Art of Being and Becoming

For most of my life, I stressed about proving myself and achieving perfection, but everything changed four years ago when I discovered the beauty of dilettantism—engaging in things out of love and curiosity rather than obligation. Experiences like Ayahuasca and mindfulness taught me to embrace imperfection and just be present. Now, I create without the pressure to excel and believe exploration is more valuable than mastery. It’s about joy and freedom, not achievement.

Waking up in a quantum state

I felt transparent and ethereal, and so I reached out to the floor for the soft carpet and left my hand print in it. The carpet reminded me I was real and the hand print proved I was solid. I’ve done a ritual of this kind of thing for most of my life.

Hypnosis as a child

Later that year — the same year I had a spiritual awakening and fell profoundly in love — it came up that my mother hypnotized me nightly from about 2 years old to the age of 9 or 10 or so.

Integrity and presence

One of the defining characteristics of my personality for the past 30 years has been a decided lack of integrity. Deadlines, promises, schedules, appointments: these were all fluid in my mind, and I frequently ignored them. I was good at justifying why I couldn’t make a doctor’s appointment, or why I didn’t need to attend […]

Waking up as it were

Thanks for stopping by my journal. This space is important to me because I’m having a difficult time finding a place for myself in this world. It was like that when I was young, and also as I pulled Danielle and I into our abyss, and it’s moreso now that we’re emerging into our actual […]

Day in the life

We’re doing the mastering for “Simultaneously Alive” now, which means Danielle is taking over a lot of the specific finalities as producer — as well as recording some vocals –, which also means I have a lot of time on my hands being just the songwriter and being all jobless and whatnot. I thought it […]

Thoughts on change

I’m working in the corner of the kitchen tonight as Danielle finishes the master for the first single from “Simultaneously Alive”. We’ve done a lot of work to ensure that certain corners of the house are no longer recognizable as what they were when I was growing up here. This is one of those corners. […]

Gainfully Unemployed

I got turned down for another job the other day. A local one I really wanted this time, so it hurts a bit more than the others. I can’t keep track of the number of resumes I’ve sent out to either rejections or radio silence — or a combination of both — over the past […]

Updated website

I finally got around to updating my site. I eliminated a bunch of extra sections that make no sense to me now (who, what, where, etc.), got rid of the darkness and nebula-like mandalas of confusion that made up the design, and made the change to emphasize my music more than my resume. There are […]