Sabin of the Green Mountains
The structures I’d built my life around—the roles I performed, the identity I’d constructed, the ways I showed up in relationship—all of those were designed by and for someone I no longer was. Trying to keep them intact while also honoring what I’d learned created an impossible tension. Something had to give.
What gave was almost everything.
Peak experiences—whether from plant medicine, meditation retreat, spiritual emergency, or spontaneous awakening—have a way of feeling conclusive. Like you’ve finally broken through, seen the truth, become the person you were always meant to be. The clarity is so profound, the shift so undeniable, that it’s easy to believe the transformation is complete. For me, rather, […]
I’ve been ruminating all day, and I think I’m just going to relegate today to a general checking in. How are all of you? It’s Tuesday, April 1st at about 7 p.m. It’s been over two years since I could handle even a small set of responsibilities. It feels good to be able to stand — albeit a little wobbily — after the stumbling.
It was just about a year ago when I wrote a reflection on 2023, so I figured I’d do it again this year. It’s hard to put into words how it feels to look back on this past year. At this time last year, I was sitting in my living room, recording It Can Be […]
For most of my life, I stressed about proving myself and achieving perfection, but everything changed four years ago when I discovered the beauty of dilettantism—engaging in things out of love and curiosity rather than obligation. Experiences like Ayahuasca and mindfulness taught me to embrace imperfection and just be present. Now, I create without the pressure to excel and believe exploration is more valuable than mastery. It’s about joy and freedom, not achievement.
Later that year — the same year I had a spiritual awakening and fell profoundly in love — it came up that my mother hypnotized me nightly from about 2 years old to the age of 9 or 10 or so.
We’re doing the mastering for “Simultaneously Alive” now, which means Danielle is taking over a lot of the specific finalities as producer — as well as recording some vocals –, which also means I have a lot of time on my hands being just the songwriter and being all jobless and whatnot. I thought it […]
This is the first part of a series about my lived experience of waking up after a 28-year identity break. I feel like I am finally home, and I am grateful for my experience, even if it seems like a hell. my life has been irrevocably changed for the better. Please read this with the […]
these are a handful of excerpts and copy/pastes from digital and hand-written journal entries related to my personal experience in trying to live a more awakened life. As I find more, I will post in the appropriate dates. (Oct 24 2021) I accept the responsibility of being the author of my own life (Oct 4, […]
