Sabin of the Green Mountains
A short reflection on the dissertation I couldn’t finish. Before I went a little mad and had to leave my PhD program, the dissertation I was writing was called “The Inheritance of Gilgamesh.” It was about the patriarchal systems of thought, perception, and control that originated in ancient Mesopotamia around 3100 BCE and have been […]
The structures I’d built my life around—the roles I performed, the identity I’d constructed, the ways I showed up in relationship—all of those were designed by and for someone I no longer was. Trying to keep them intact while also honoring what I’d learned created an impossible tension. Something had to give.
What gave was almost everything.
For a long time, I’ve been calling my departure from a life of forced labor “leaving the corporate world.” But I think that’s been a misshaping of the truth. What I’ve really been doing is pulling away from the part of me that longed for external approval and that felt compelled to follow someone else’s rules without questioning the impact of that on my soul.
Hey everyone. Thanks for checking in! It’s been a wild couple of weeks here. My mental state is up and down, but I expect it now and it’s easier to manage, though still as exhausting. I’ve written a couple of new pieces, mostly just some improvs and idea sketches, but I do have a piano […]
I felt transparent and ethereal, and so I reached out to the floor for the soft carpet and left my hand print in it. The carpet reminded me I was real and the hand print proved I was solid. I’ve done a ritual of this kind of thing for most of my life.
Later that year — the same year I had a spiritual awakening and fell profoundly in love — it came up that my mother hypnotized me nightly from about 2 years old to the age of 9 or 10 or so.
We’re doing the mastering for “Simultaneously Alive” now, which means Danielle is taking over a lot of the specific finalities as producer — as well as recording some vocals –, which also means I have a lot of time on my hands being just the songwriter and being all jobless and whatnot. I thought it […]
I went through old journal entries for inspiration tonight. I reminded myself of who I had been, pitfalls and traps I had fallen into, mirrors I wasn’t paying attention to. It’s painful to go back there, review that man’s thoughts as though they’re still mine. I think history is a useful tool in the long […]
