Sabin of the Green Mountains
The structures I’d built my life around—the roles I performed, the identity I’d constructed, the ways I showed up in relationship—all of those were designed by and for someone I no longer was. Trying to keep them intact while also honoring what I’d learned created an impossible tension. Something had to give.
What gave was almost everything.
Peak experiences—whether from plant medicine, meditation retreat, spiritual emergency, or spontaneous awakening—have a way of feeling conclusive. Like you’ve finally broken through, seen the truth, become the person you were always meant to be. The clarity is so profound, the shift so undeniable, that it’s easy to believe the transformation is complete. For me, rather, […]
I’ve decided to more fully open up to offering spiritual and integration guidance, so I want to share reflections on the praxis of personal healing and spiritual integration alongside my other writing. These pieces draw from my own journey through dissociation, awakening, and the slow work of becoming whole. If you’re navigating your own transformative […]
The last time I tried to post here, I pulled it after a day or so. I was trying something new, and it wasn’t my style. First of all, it was a traveling post, which I should’ve avoided. Traveling isn’t as easy for me as it used to be, and it felt at first like I was reconnecting with the world with that post, but really it was awkward for me. Secondly, because it didn’t resonate with me in the morning.
A story about rusted brakes, midnight Denny’s runs, and the poetry of old cars and the life we live with them. I wasn’t sure whether to share this, but I’m fond of the roads we’ve traveled. From Earl to Shazam… and beyond.
One of the challenges of living with the kind of mental state I work with is remembering a complete flow of life. Waking up tomorrow holding on to what I’ve accomplished or learned from today is a conscious effort for me, just shy of tattooing (which I’ve seriously considered doing, Memento). I think it has something to do with the hypnosis as a child, or maybe just side effects from the PTSD, but either way, I’ve decided to devote some time on Sundays to check in with what I did and tried to do the previous week.
Hey everyone. Thanks for checking in! It’s been a wild couple of weeks here. My mental state is up and down, but I expect it now and it’s easier to manage, though still as exhausting. I’ve written a couple of new pieces, mostly just some improvs and idea sketches, but I do have a piano […]
Living with mental illness feels like standing at the edge of a black hole, caught between worlds. The pull of chaos and confusion is relentless, making it hard to reach out, to be heard, or to understand. But there’s a secret in the storm: observation. In those rare moments of calm, we find the strength to communicate, to connect, and to hold on.
It was just about a year ago when I wrote a reflection on 2023, so I figured I’d do it again this year. It’s hard to put into words how it feels to look back on this past year. At this time last year, I was sitting in my living room, recording It Can Be […]
For most of my life, I stressed about proving myself and achieving perfection, but everything changed four years ago when I discovered the beauty of dilettantism—engaging in things out of love and curiosity rather than obligation. Experiences like Ayahuasca and mindfulness taught me to embrace imperfection and just be present. Now, I create without the pressure to excel and believe exploration is more valuable than mastery. It’s about joy and freedom, not achievement.
